Ten Things I LOVE About Me
- I hate children who are raised to be heathens with annoying sounds coming out of their tiny mouths. It is too bad that laws protect them.
- I hate people who sneeze their perfume of germs in my face thereby making me coat them with a think layer of my mini-Lysol spray.
- I hate being polite to excuses of atoms.
- I hate the smell of happiness.
- I hate helping people who do not appreciate it so I make sure I do something horrible so that they can ask another miserable soul for help.
- I hate the word, DIET. It has ´die´in it. I will eat whatever the fuck I want while you have air for lunch.
- I hate not being able to enjoy a movie at the cinema because Betty does NOT know what the fuck is going so she asks stupid questions throughout the movie. My secret trick: A little Xanax (4 pills) helps Betty sleep through a whole two movies.
- I hate being in the middle of a fight that I probably started with two other people so I make sure to stay quiet for as long as possible until the other two start yelling at one another. Then when it is time to agree, I answer, ¨You both are right. Dessert?¨
- I hate it when I can´t be really sarcastic because I´m afraid that the person might be too offended and kill themselves. So I do the next best thing…I write it in a letter and mail it to them. It won´t be my fault. I didn´t tell them to open the letter.
- I hate uneducated adults that teach others to be stupid so instead of correcting them, I congratulate them with a loud yell of, ¨BE PROUD! YOU´RE STUPID!!!¨